Free Will...is also a bitch

So much talk about Karma and her bitchy qualities but not much is said about Free Will.

I love Karma, and I love Free Will, but both have their bad sides that need to be respected.

I will never tell another what to do, how to choose, how to live, and naturally I expect the same courtesy shown to me. Besides, even if I did tell someone what to do they're just going to do what they want anyway. Free-fuckin-Will.

However, I did try to gently persuade my parents to get the vaccine for Covid-19 when I was getting mine back in April. I said when I had Covid in March 2020, even though I recovered at home it was scary and I don't want to get it again.

Unfortunately, they did not trust it enough or believe in it enough to actually get it and now my mother has died.

She was among several of her siblings and/or their spouses to test positive for Covid-19 after we all attended her father's funeral near the beginning of August. He died of heart failure at the age of 92, and all his kids and grandkids gathered to remember him. This was right as the Delta variant cases were starting to spike all over the country. Some of my aunts and uncles were vaccinated and still got sick. I am vaccinated and tested negative after being in close proximity to all of them. 

Less than two weeks after I last saw my mother she died at her home from covid and pneumonia. I am still not clear which came first, the pneumonia or the covid, but either way she did not make it. She also chose to not ask for any help or call an ambulance to take her to a hospital. She died alone, 64 years old, with just her two chihuahuas by her side. 

By her Free Will she chose not to be vaccinated, and not to receive medical treatment beyond the initial doctor visit before testing positive when she got some antibiotics. 

Now the rest of us who are left get to live with those choices. 

I am missing her voice, her laugh, and her encouragement that she always offered on FaceTime now that I am living alone and often lonely. 

I don't know if the vaccine would have saved her but I wish I could go back in time to find out. 

Because she is my mother and I love her. And now I have to miss her for the rest of my life.

Free Will is a bitch, so choose wisely.

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