Into No Man's Land

 Mom, You had been asking me to come visit you in Arizona ever since you moved into an apartment with an extra bedroom. I couldn't get there because I didn't have the money for a plane ticket.  I finally had the plane ticket to come visit you, after you died and someone I didn't even know donated it to me.  It was strange walking in the door with my brother for the first time. Knowing you had just been there a couple of days ago. Living there. Sick there for the previous week and a half since I last saw you in Minnesota.  And dying there in your new comfortable recliner in front of your big tv. You're right, it was much bigger than the 50 inch you bought for me when I started my new life. Thank you for that. The tv screen was still on with the sleep screen displaying colors of hot pink, purple, and black. It added to the eerie feeling of the space. I took my time slowly walking through each room, barely touching anything. Opening kitchen cupboards. Examining the cont...

In addition to losing 2 family members in August, I also found out right before my Grandpa died that I have until the end of October to find another job. My current employer decided they no longer want to keep paying me to do nothing most of the time, which I completely understand.  So ever since I have been searching the internet for jobs and submitting resumes and applications. I just submitted my fifth application. Then I got hit with another wave of emotion. This is something I would tell my mother about to get that pat on the back. And now I can't.  It also brings a funny memory back to mind. When I was with her in early August for Grandpa's funeral we were sitting on the sofa together each on our phones looking at the job listings for me. She pointed to one on her phone for me to see.  Bud-trimmer at a marijuana grow facility.  I should apply for a job like that in honor of my mom and to see what happens. I have never consumed cannabis. I have been around it a ...

So much talk about Karma and her bitchy qualities but not much is said about Free Will. I love Karma, and I love Free Will, but both have their bad sides that need to be respected. I will never tell another what to do, how to choose, how to live, and naturally I expect the same courtesy shown to me. Besides, even if I did tell someone what to do they're just going to do what they want anyway. Free-fuckin-Will. However, I did try to gently persuade my parents to get the vaccine for Covid-19 when I was getting mine back in April. I said when I had Covid in March 2020, even though I recovered at home it was scary and I don't want to get it again. Unfortunately, they did not trust it enough or believe in it enough to actually get it and now my mother has died. She was among several of her siblings and/or their spouses to test positive for Covid-19 after we all attended her father's funeral near the beginning of August. He died of heart failure at the age of 92, and all his kids...

 Journaling and writing are like therapy to me. Since we are 18 months into a global pandemic and shit's hit the fan in my life this past year (and especially in the last month), I need a place to write and vent to that feels like an audience. Everyone else has enough to deal with, and I can't afford a therapist right now. I am on TikTok but I am not into recording myself talk yet. I'd rather write it out.  The title "Into No Man's Land" is literally what I heard Joy Division sing while I was having to choose a blog title and it seems to fit. Me writing to no one in particular, and also being single after 22 years of marriage living in my little no man land that is my one bedroom apartment.  My handle is Pixie's Moon because Pixie is my cat and I am her mother/moon. I am also discovering my witchy, feminine power these days.  I am not going to overthink how pretty this looks, but that doesn't mean I won't be playing with the themes and settings fro...